Mental Health, Disability, and the Ongoing Journey of Adaptation
In 2019, I wrote a post titled Good Grief: Working Through Grief where I opened up about how grief can extend beyond the loss of a loved one. Grief also arises from life-altering experiences like illness, injury, or disability. That post reflected a deeply personal journey—one that involved learning to mourn the loss of a version of myself that no longer existed. Now, during Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to revisit the idea of grief. I’ll be taking a deeper look at the psychological models behind it and how they intersect with disability and mental health.
In a more recent post, Be Kind to Your Mind, I shared how critical self-compassion is for mental wellness. That message is just as important when we talk about grief. The process of grieving, especially as it relates to disability, requires a gentle and patient mindset. Sometimes grief comes back in waves. Other times it lingers quietly in the background. Recognizing that this experience is valid and natural is a huge part of supporting mental health.
Understanding the Grief Process
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. These stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—were originally applied to people facing terminal illness. Over time, this model has also been used to understand the emotional responses to many forms of loss, including disability (Kübler-Ross, 1969). The stages do not always follow a linear path. People may move back and forth between them or revisit certain stages multiple times.
Later, Kübler-Ross and David Kessler developed the “change curve,” which illustrates how people adjust emotionally to significant life events (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). This curve starts with shock and denial, moves through emotional lows, and gradually shifts toward problem-solving and growth. While the curve is often used in organizational change, it also maps well onto the personal changes brought on by disability.
Grief Through the Lens of Disability
Living with a disability involves many kinds of grief that are not always talked about openly. There can be grief for lost abilities, for roles that have changed, or for the independence that once existed. Sometimes this grief is subtle. Other times it is overwhelming. That’s where the work of Livneh and Antonak becomes especially useful.
Their psychosocial adaptation model outlines six phases of adjusting to disability (Livneh & Antonak, 1997). These are:
- Initial Impact – A period marked by shock, confusion, or fear.
- Defense Mobilization – Often involves denial or minimizing the situation.
- Initial Realization – Emotional pain emerges as the reality of the condition becomes clearer.
- Retreat or Depression – Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or isolation may occur.
- Acknowledgment – Gradual acceptance and recognition of the disability and its effects.
- Adaptation – Integration of the disability into one’s identity and life path.
This model is particularly powerful because it accounts for both personal and social factors. Adapting to disability is not just about changing how we move through the world. It also involves dealing with external challenges like stigma, access barriers, and ableism. These social factors can intensify grief or delay adaptation (Livneh & Antonak, 2005).
Grief Is Ongoing, and That Is Okay
One important truth I’ve learned is that grief is not something you “get over.” Instead, it becomes a part of your life. Sometimes it fades into the background. Other times it returns unexpectedly. As I mentioned in Be Kind to Your Mind, we need to allow ourselves space to feel all of it. Grief, in this context, is not weakness. It is a reflection of the life we lived before, and the one we are still learning to live now.
In support groups and peer mentoring, I often meet others on this same path. Some are in the early stages of processing their disability. Others have lived with it for decades but still face moments of emotional reckoning. What connects us all is the need to be heard and understood. Talking openly about grief—and mental health more broadly—helps create community. It reminds us we are not alone.
Moving Forward with Grief
Mental Health Awareness Month is a time to raise our voices and share our stories. Revisiting my earlier posts reminds me that grief and mental wellness are deeply connected. Acknowledging grief is not a step backward. It is a courageous step toward healing.
If you are living with grief tied to disability, know that your feelings are valid. Grief does not mean you are failing to cope. It means you are human. Keep showing up for yourself, however that looks. Be kind to your mind. And know that growth is still possible, even in the presence of pain.
References
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.
Livneh, H., & Antonak, R. F. (1997). Psychosocial adaptation to chronic illness and disability. Aspen Publishers.
Livneh, H., & Antonak, R. F. (2005). Psychosocial adaptation to chronic illness and disability: A primer for counselors. Journal of Counseling & Development, 83(1), 12–20. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2005.tb00575.x
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